We all have surely found ourselves feeling frustrated and thinking "I can't get out of this no matter what I try." It's when we see ourselves doing the same thing over and over again and can't #breakout of a negative pattern.
There is a name for this. It's called #selfsabotage. The name itself can be upsetting to people because it can be interpreted to mean that you're doing it to yourself. In fact, this is what's happening, but it's unconscious for the most part. You are getting in your own way, but it's not your fault.
So what causes us to sabotage ourselves and what can we do to overcome this so we can live the life we actually want?
Self-sabotage is when we have an internal conflict. There is a part of us that wants something (i.e., more money, a promotion, a better relationship), but there is another part of us that is focused on self-preservation.
In fact, there are three obstacles that we contend with when we are stuck:
1. Negative self-beliefs: These are core beliefs you hold true about yourself, other people, and the world. They are typically constructed in childhood or early life and create the lens through which you interpret events happening currently. These beliefs directly affect how you feel and how you behave.
2. Fear: When we have beliefs such as "I am a loser" and are faced with a challenge that if successfully overcome can result in a promotion, we immediately are filled with a fear of failure. Our fears and our core beliefs go hand in hand.
3. Emotional triggers: When our past negative events aren't properly processed, we may find ourselves feeling emotionally triggered by situations that in some way remind us of the original trauma. These triggers can overwhelm us and lead to the belief that we'll never get rid of them.
To overcome self-sabotage, we need to work to (1) change our core beliefs, (2) overcome our fears, and (3) neutralize emotional roots that lie underneath the triggers we feel.
Due to the nature of self-sabotage, it is nearly impossible to self-correct because, by definition, you have blindspots that are causing you to stay stuck. So, find someone competent whom you trust to help you gain insight into your stuck points and move you through the change phase to set you up for success.
Written by Sharon Grossman, PhD
If you want a step-by-step process to experience more control over your life’s direction, feel more energized, and be better prepared to face your future, join the Get Unstuck Program today. Sign up for your complimentary consultation to get started.